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Fairy Tale: Australian TV Networks and the Age of Digital Extinction

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Once upon a time – there lived three commercial TV Stations – Channel 7, GTV 9 and Network 10. Times were never better, and the citizens of the land only had to switch on their tubes to get the latest news, current affairs and light entertainment – often hours before the rival Newspapers had a chance to deliver their versions of events.

The lowly peasants were indeed happy – and mostly due to the ‘clever’ television stations having devised an ingenious way of providing these offerings to them for free – by getting other such prophets and purveyors of goods and services to pay for voicing their opinions.

To ensure peace and harmony – the residing king had also passed laws – that protected the citizens from foreign media invaders – and divided the citizens up in equal shares to each of his friends (at least those who had bought him lunch) – the commercial TV stations.

One day, a fierce and ferocious beast – the internet – invaded the land. The commercial TV stations at first ignored this beast – however the citizens however embraced it with open arms.

The commercial TV stations ran to the king with their arms in the air – and said ‘help protect us from this terrible beast – we fear once the citizens have tasted choice – they will never want to listen to us again’. Again the king passed more laws – but being unaware in the many mysterious ways this beast worked – was not able to stop it.

Soon the commercial TV stations saw the errors in their ways – and thanks to their large inheritances – they were able to purchase most of the goods the internet beast had to offer. And once again they lived in harmony with the citizens – and were again able to provide the services for free to them – via charging the same group of prophets eager to voice their opinion in this new medium.

But once again, the peace and harmony was disturbed by a new wave of foreign invaders – that were this time much more ferocious and intelligent then ever before. These included the Earl of Torrent, the Duke of PVR, the Prince of IPTV and by far the nastiest of them all – the Lord of EPG.  These new invaders all had one thing in common – they had made close alliances with the internet beast long beforehand – and they were all good friends.

The commercial TV stations once again ran to the king – who passed even tougher and stricter laws – but this time the citizens weren’t listening. The commercial TV stations however this time refused to make peace with these new invaders, and instead squabbled amongst themselves, allowing other less noble citizens to prophecize. 

After several years passed, they came up with many solutions. ‘Lets charge the citizens lots of money for what they used to get for free’ said one. ‘Lets make it really poor quality and restrict what they can do with it’ – said another. ‘Ive an even better plan’ – said the richest – ‘lets buy all the goods and never let the citizens see them unless they are awake past midnight and are willing to wait a year or two’. But by far the most devious solution was ‘Lets silence the Lord of EPG once and for all – and not let those pesky citizens know what we are up to at all’.

But unfortunately, by this time – the citizens had in fact also made close alliances with the internet beast, the Earl of Torrent, the Duke of MCE and the Lord of EPG – and no longer subscribed to the ways of the past. Not only that – but they no longer needed to be friends with tv stations – who had long since become irrelevant to their way of life.

The commercial TV stations began to slowly wither and die – many going to the same retirement homes as their poor cousins who previously owned record stores – and no amount of law passing by the king could save them.

The citizens however – lived happily ever after.

The End.


Written by mobilewares

March 20, 2007 at 5:27 am

Posted in Entertainment

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